Sometimes (often?) I get so tired of myself. Always this "being so decent" (präktig) (in the negative way) which only makes me, and everyone that "have" to listen to me, more frustrated than satisfied. Why? Because I have no actual influence anyway. Tired. Frustrated. I just don't know what to do about it. I know, I go on and on about this here on INCH in but it's just that it affects my life so much and this is my unloading spot for thoughts in this crowded mind and therefore is my main puzzle at the "moment". Maybe not on the outside, a life that is hardly exciting or different at all, but in my mind there is this constant fight about how to handle this constant flow of thoughts and feelings. If asked what is the the worst feeling, I have several suggestions, eg. feeling betrayed/disrespected, but I think that I'd have to say that frustration is my most common feeling that I struggle with and therefore the worst feeling. There are so many things I feel frustrated about, so inadequate and annoyingly simply too much. I've got waaay to much excess energy in different forms. Yes, I KNOW I can't do much, but why would that stop me from feeling intensive frustration about it? I wish it wasn't so but being told in both verbal and nonverbal forms doesn't change a state of mind just because it would be more comfortable, for me or the people I interact with. Am I making any sence at all?
Now...I am going stop nagging about this, for tonight, and do what I can, trying to fall asleep as soon as possible, not giving myself chance to dwell further on the subject. And bore you to death.
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